01 April 2007

Fools' gold

In honor of April Fools' Day, here are links to some satirical stories I wrote for NUVO a couple years back. I mentioned them once, but I never actually posted links to them, so here you go:

Please note that my use of the Oaklandon ninjas in a parody news story is not an admission of any kind that said ninjas are imaginary. They are real.


7 Comments so far

  1. Katy April 4th, 2007 4:03 pm

    You know... I just can't even...

    ARGH.

    The fact that you are using them as an April Fool's Joke just further shows how insanely MADE UP THEY ARE. ADMIT IT.

    I promise you, Ray, you will drive me to an early grave with this shit.

    :P

  2. Logan April 5th, 2007 12:23 am

    Mogan Liller? I love it.

    And suddenly, inexplicably, i have been inspired to increase my knowledge of emus.

  3. Mike April 5th, 2007 4:25 am

    I believe in the ninjas. I mean, I have never seen them myself, but the case for their existence is very strong. Eyewitness, accounts, strange disappearances, ninja stars found in trees, swimming pools, and livestock. The truth is out there, the sooner people can accept it the better.

  4. Beth April 6th, 2007 5:53 pm

    Of course the ninjas are real! It's the retirement that's a farse; now that's just foolish.

  5. Ray April 6th, 2007 6:58 pm

    Once and for all, here is the story on the Oaklandon Ninjas.

    One day while playing in my backyard with the Proud brothers, we spotted in the woods two ninja wielding real ninja weapons, not toys. I was terrified and would not approach them, however, the Proud brothers do not have a crippling sense of self-preservation (i.e. they are braver) and went to investigate.

    When they returned, they told me there was a third ninja who was lying motionless on the ground and that sais had been stuck in the ground around them, as if to clean off blood. They also related that the ninja identified themselves as associates of Master Wong, the Pendleton Pike tai-kwan-do master who had taught our Fox Road tai-kwan-do instructor.

    Another unverified sighting of the ninja occured at a later date. This time, Tim Proud reported ninja practicing katana moves on a tree. However this second sighting is generally considered to be false.

    Now, was there actually a dead ninja and what was the topic of conversation between the ninja and the Proud brothers? Of this, I cannot be sure. But I will not relent from my position that, at the very least, two ninja were seen patrolling the woods behind my parents house on at least one occasion. I know this because I SAW THEM WITH MY OWN EYES.

  6. Katy April 9th, 2007 4:23 pm

    I guess the fact that you MADE THEM UP for my folklore project escaped your memory...

    Kids, I had to do a project about Indiana folklore and legends. I decided to do one about different "tall tales" and "legends" from different neighborhoods in Indianapolis - namely Ray's and Maryann's. I brought a camcorder to Ray's apartment one night and taped Maryann and Ray as they BOTH made up completely ridonkulous stories for my project.

    I got an A+ on it and an A+ in the class, but I fear that it wasn't worth the cost of this whole ninja charade that's been going on for years now.

  7. Ray April 9th, 2007 4:55 pm

    Look, people have been disbelieving me about the Oaklandon ninjas for my entire life... thus when you said you wanted folklore from my neighborhood, I instantly referenced the ninjas, 'cuz I knew this would be a story that would fit well with your project. It was only when you wanted me to keep telling stories that I had to resort to made-up ones (Laurel Oaks built on an Indian burial mound, etc.).

    However, I reiterate that the Oaklandon Ninjas are real. You cannot convince me otherwise. I am like Captain Picard and you are like that Cardassian. There are four lights!

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