So Walmart is now running ads in which a female store manager talks about all the opportunities that Walmart has granted her. (In the commercial, she conspicuously leaves out the opportunities to undermine labor unions and metastasize the American economy.) Obviously, Walmart-- which just lowered its quarterly projections-- is trying to shore itself up in the face of the largest discrimination lawsuit in American labor history. Are they trying to taint the jury pool?

Who knows, but in my experience, if the charges against you are frivolous, you know they're frivolous and let them be exposed as such by their own downward momentum. The only time you give face time to the claims against you is when they're true and you're trying to spin them.

Now, watch this drive.

I'm really looking forward to hearing the right-wing talk shows that I listen to during the week put their spin on the fact that Fahrenheit 9/11 is the most popular movie in America.

Today is a big day for irregular reader and neo-Clevelander Chris Miller. Divorce papers indicate that former Star Trek babe Jeri Ryan was coerced by her former husband, politico and Tom Clancy protagonist Jack Ryan, into performing in live sex shows with him at swingers clubs in various cities around the world.

As you can imagine, today is the day that Mr. Miller tries to (a) enter politics or (b) convince poker champion Ben Affleck to play him in a movie.

As we get closer to November, I'm seeing less and less distinction between John Kerry and George Bush. I really want to believe in fundamental change in America, but I don't sense much of a dynamic reformer in Mr. Kerry. Hell, with the economy (supposedly) doing well and job creation (supposedly) booming, maybe Mr. Bush is doing an OK job. However there is, at least, one serious issue which diffenteriates the candidates: stem cell research; Bush is against it, Kerry is for it.

I think it would be a critical misstep for America to maintain the ban on this research. Not just for all the obvious reasons about bringing hope to millions of people with scores of diseases -- after all, it doesn't take much of an imagination to envision how wonderful it will be when we can grow a new kidney or liver or a heart after an injection. But here in Indiana about the only interesting and wealth-generating industry we have is healthcare innovation in the form of Lily and Roche. If stem-cell technologies are banned in America, the windfall of jobs and economic throughput that they will create will go elsewhere and Americans (and Hoosiers) of all walks of life will slide further and further down the global economic scale.

Stem cell technologies are going to be developed whether or not that development happens in the United States. With the United Kingdom already leading the world in stem cell research, America is already behind. In my opinion, it is this issue alone which makes John Kerry a vital choice for America and Indiana.

The other day, I heard Nirvana on a classic rock station.

While recently shopping at the Sony Store, I happened to take a look at the man behind the curtain -- well, at least the computer behind the counter. That's the funny thing, see: Sony makes computers. In fact, they sell them right there in the store. But behind the counter, running their point-of-sale software? Dell. Oh, they hooked them up to cool Sony flatscreen monitors to make it look like they used their own products, but a quick glance at their secret CPU makes me never want to buy a Sony computer. Not even they trust their product!

Of course, this is the same Sony Store that had a glaring typo in the sign that explains the care they take in refurbishing their products. True to form, the one I bought did not work properly. It did come in a really sweet-looking bag, though.

Hot on the heels of this shit comes the MTV Movie Awards 2k4. I'm sad to say that MTV has struck out twice in a row.

Not even the hosting presence of regular reader Lindsay Lohan could boost this stinker up. Girlfriend, you know I'm a fan, but this was uninspired. Maybe it's a bit much to bite off when you're 17; Lord knows I would have just read whatever they wanted me to say at an award show at that age. I did like your line at the end about drinking non-alcoholic punch. Stick with your own material!

Oh and Lindsay, please pass this info on to Uma Thurman and Quentin Tarantino should you encounter them in your travels through tinseltown: It is sickening to see the two of you exchange puppy dog eyes and verbal blowjobs to each other on national television. Q, Kill Bill was mad and brilliant, but we know you made it to get into U's pants. Okay, so just get it over with so the nation can collectively move on.

I know the show was taped, but did it have to feel so canned?