A devestating setback today. The job offer that I had hoped and prayed for, the one for which I had bought shiny new shoes, the one around which I had, despite reason, started to build my dreams for my future, collapsed.

It's hard to do what I've always done in this case, which is just shrug my shoulders and say there are other jobs out there. Because there aren't other jobs out there. Not like this one, at least; not in this town, and certainly not for people like me.

I tell myself, "Look at the bright side; you were able to chase this one all the way down to the finish line. You did it once, you can do it again." And I try to echo the kind sentiments of that telephone call which I received this afteroon at 2:53: "You exude confidence." But, crying in a bathroom stall at work, still jobless and nearly hopeless, I find it hard to believe in myself.

Of course, I will dust myself off and try again. I'll start checking those daily Monster.com emails again instead of just deleteing them. I'll try to revive a few dormant job leads, mostly just to try and keep a little forward momentum going, though I know full well they will stay dormant. Eventually, I will accept a position, one that pays much better than this lost one did, in dollars, at least, though it would be hard, even with an imagination as foolish as my own, to concieve of a job that could pay more in all the other ways.

Perhaps I was too hasty in declining the Blockbuster management position that I had been offered the other day, high on dreams of a job other than a Mc-one and scared shitless from seeing a guy I used to work with in '98-- a guy who was a college grad then-- returning to the 'buster after having been on the outside for 6 years. Probably, I will ask if I can get that position back.

For a breif moment there, it looked like the stars had somehow aligned, before vanishing back into the night.

That's it, I'm not going to see it. Unless this turns out to be false, I'm imposing a Titanic-esque "never under any circumstances" ban on seeing it. (Ironic when you consider my initial reason for imposing said ban.)

I hope you are sitting down.

How do I put this? In $tar Wars Episode 3, Anakin Skywalker and Obi-Wan are going to have a lightsaber fight while surfing on lava.

Sure, when Batman and Robin 'boarded their way back to Earth on rocketship doors, it was so awful it was kind of funny. And we all thought it was dumb when Legolas skated down the stairs of Helm's Deep, dispatching orcs like it was a bonus level in Tony Hawk, but all we did was roll our eyes. But this? The one unadultarated, pure bit of hubris amid the banality of the so-called prequels -- the one scene that not even George Lucas could screw up, the one we have been waiting nearly 30 years for -- and they're going to be surfing? On lava!?!?!!

Read the gory details for yourself.

I think May 17th will be remembered as a great day for civil rights in America. Today is the anniversary of the Brown vs. Board decision and, coincidentally, today, May 17th, 2004, sees the first day that gays can marry in America, or at least in part of it.

Less extreme opponents of gay marriage often say that 'marriage' should be reserved for a man and a woman -- let gays have 'civil unions' instead, they say.

Unfortuantely, America is in the business of ensuring equality for its citizens. Even if a 'civil union' is equal to marriage in all but name, it is still something separate from marriage. As Brown so famously established, separate is not equal.

Social progress has always been marked by an increase in personal sovereignty. In America, we cherish the notion that less government is more. Today we have taken a step toward pushing the government out of one more aspect of our lives, gay or straight. A more conservative value, I couldn't imagine.

Memo to Lindsay Lohan, whom I know for a fact reads my blog religiously:

I really like you, but, despite what you may believe, you do not -- as you were quoted as saying you do on page 76 of Lindsay Lohan: A Star on The Rise by Mary Boone -- like Liz Phair's music. I don't think you've even heard it.

Not the real stuff anyway. Probably you've just heard her last album -- you know, with that Why Can't I? song that's being used to promote nearly every teen-pop film to come out of the pipe lately. Maybe it was even used to promote one of yours. (I liked Mean Girls, by the way.)

Seriously though, check out Exile in Guyville or Whip-Smart. Better yet, email me and I'll hook you up with a special recruitment mix featuing her legendary Girlysounds demos. You're a young female musician, you should expose yourself to stuff like that, stuff that's real -- you never know, you could be a serious musican too. I know you've got more to say than Duff.

Oh, and don't worry, the freckles are cute. I know, 'cause I've got them too.

Being a long time between posts has become such a blogging cliche that it should have it's own acryonmym. SIHWIAW or IAFNTB or something.

But this really has been my first opportunity to sit in front of a computer for purposes other than work in what seems like ages and is probably something more like two weeks. All this is odd, since prior to picking up the double job gig, it was my primary activity, though I didn't blog that frequently then either. Just reloaded the same five web pages over and over.

All sorts of my beloved activities have fallen by the wayside recently. I've probably eaten only 2 frozen pizzas in those two weeks. I've seen Monday Night RAW only one of the last three Monday nights. And that most favourite activity of mine, sleep, is ironically now just a dream.

But, you know what, I can't say that I mind. In fact, I think I will risk saying that I'm pretty happy right now. Sure, I'm not where I want to be yet, but for the first time in months I feel the momentum that will eventually take me out of my parent's basement and into my own life. Just seeing those three words typed out makes me feel hopeful.